When I got the call that I would never be able to go outside again, I panicked. I full on thought I’d die alone in my apartment, with zero toilet paper. To combat this irrational fear I A. talked to some bozo men on dating apps to assuage my boredom and intense loneliness B. visited my mother C. secured said TP and D. bought a lot of stuff online.
Here is everything I have purchased since March 14. I remember this exact date because I was at my favorite bar that Saturday night, after being stood up for a date by a loser man, wearing a pretty top I bought to wear out with him, and thus went out with myself. And here we are in June and I while I have seen all my friends at least once, I have yet to reenter society. I just keep having packages delivered to my door.
In no particular order of arrival:
- If you’re thinking of a new side table, I can vouch for this little guy. It’s incredibly heavy (it took 2 delivery guys to get it inside my apartment) and on so chunky and terrazzo chic.
- It took me no time to decide I was going to bite the bullet and order from Target for my balcony outdoor loveseat this spring. Since we’ve been locked in our homes, why not be able to enjoy being locked inside while outside! I test drove it at the store during one of my “GET ME OUT OF HERE” grocery runs. It’s incredibly comfortable. Note to other single gals: it’s also incredibly heavy and not the most fun to assemble by yourself. But if I can do it, you can do it.
- This is made of beans. It was a total impulse and it’s so fun to lounge on while sunning. Get it.
- Not pictured: I also ordered a few books: Little Weirds, Jenny Slate; The Truth Will Set You Free, But First It Will Piss You Off!, Gloria Steinem; Women, Race, & Class, Angela Y. Davis; How to Be an Antiracist, Ibram X. Kendi; Futura, Petra Eisele
- and a subscription to Doggie Lawn. My doggie loves peeing on it. You get a patch of grass delivered to your door every 2 weeks. I won’t get into if this is gross or not. It works for my dog and our needs.
Since we’re in Summer now (6/20 is literally 2 days away from writing this!) I’ll spare you the winter sweat shirt I ordered (my literal first ever. Like everyone else, I fully embraced lounge).
- Testing the waters on crop tops. The puffs sleeves give me life. This is sort of one of those Man Repellar items that I am saving for when I feel brave (and venture back out into the world) on a date.
- These Zara jeans fit my 5’2 frame really well. I ordered pricier jcrew Point Sur High Rise Boyfriend Jeans and after returning them what seemed like a million times, never to find the correct size, I lazily settled on jeans that are too big. Now might be a good time to learn to wear belts… next purchase?
- I also ordered a pair of Reebok.
- This swimsuit got me lots of compliments and the most likes I’ve ever had in my life on Instagram. Ha.
- Remember how I said I thought I’d die alone? Well, I guess that explains the impulse vibrator buy. I’m not ashamed to say I bought one (if you must know, this isn’t my first. Won’t be my last. This was a fun and informative watch on vibrators I found by sexologist Shan Boodram). Dame has cute packaging which appealed to my design sensibilities but honestly, I wasn’t all that impressed with this thing. That could just be me though. It has high marks across the internet.
- I kind of bought Dr. Loretta moisturizer for the same reason as above: the branding. I am however impressed with this line of skin care and will continue to buy! I feel like my skin is radiant.
- This is my favorite mascara. There’s no going back for me. My lashes look long and at the end of the day, with warm water, it pulls right off. No more smudges. No flakes. No raccoon. Nothing. Ever. Again.
I guess that about covers it. My mid-March – June trapped in my apartment filling the void of loneliness shopping!